You want fries with that?

One week ago last night I received a call that no one is prepared to take.  My former boss, the one that I worked with for thirteen years, committed suicide.  This man was more than a boss to me….he was a friend.  He was a person that I knew if I ever needed him, he would be there for me and I’m pretty sure that he knew the same held true for me.  This man had great integrity and always put others before himself.  Some of you are thinking that if that is true, he would not have done what he did.  Suicide is often viewed as a selfish act.  Let me assure you that with this man, it was anything but selfish.  He honestly believed what he was doing was the best thing for those he loved.

I understand why he did it, so that question is not haunting me.  However, there are the “what ifs” and the “we should’ves.”  The last email that I received from my boss was in June and in one paragraph he wrote, “Isn’t it awesome how we still know what is going on in each other’s lives.”  I just wish I had known everything that was going on with him.  I know that we can’t beat ourselves up over this….it’s just that he didn’t have to do it.  There were other options.    

The wake and the funeral have me emotionally drained.  I can’t get the thought out of my head of him sitting alone in his car, thinking he had to do this.  Losing my own father at such a young age, I feel so bad for his kids and all that he is going to miss with them. 

It was so rough seeing some of the people that I haven’t seen in over a year and a half.  Some of these people I had become really close to and they were like family.  Some I really didn’t want to see.  Others…..I’m afraid I’ll probably never see again and it hurts.

The team that this man brought together while we were working for him went to our favorite Thai restaurant, as we had done together so many times before, in his honor.  This group of us had plans that would see us all working together again.  That dream has faded over the past year and a half….but there was still that tiny bit of hope that one day it would happen.  Now reality has sunk in that it isn’t going to and that is pretty hard to accept.

I know that life goes on and I can’t sit here holding onto the past or dwelling on things that I cannot change.  I need to cherish the memories and move on.  The days will get better.

Rest in peace, my friend…..

I can’t believe it has been that long since I last updated.  I wish that I could say that I’ve been on a month long cruise or vacationing in some far away place…..but unfortunately it was the result of getting outside and enjoying the weather and my computer has been broken.  I know that I should have logged on somewhere and at least posted a brief paragraph stating that I was still alive…..but I truly didn’t expect to be so long without my computer.  Thank you all for the concern and I apologize for not letting you know what was going on.

So far the summer has been very enjoyable.  I finally got my hot weather.  We have been camping every weekend except for one and last weekend I actually towed my 27’ 5^th wheel camper from my house to the campground all by myself.  Behind the truck of course.  No injuries or damages occurred.  For a while I even forgot that I was hauling it….ooops!

Last week was my 39^th birthday!  Thank you so much to Kim, Denise and Alicia for the cards and birthday wishes.  You three truly are angels.  King Tom…thank you too for the birthday wishes….you’re the best!  And Russ….your phone call really brightened my day….thank you. 

As some of you know….turning 39 was something that I was so not looking forward to.  The morning of my birthday, I received a text from a sweet friend that made me smile.  So I thought I was going to be able to handle it.  As it turned out though, that was not the case.  I was an emotional wreck.  It was awful.  Since I was in no mood to celebrate this particular birthday, I had made plans to bring my computer to a guy that I used to work with that had offered to fix it for me.  However, as the day went on and the depression hit….I decided I really needed to be with a friend and declined the guy’s offer to fix the computer.  L was supposed to meet me for drinks after her daughter’s dance class.  Unfortunately, her youngest daughter took ill and she needed to be with her.  So I drove around for a while bawling like a big baby and then decided to text my friend J, who agreed to meet me out for a drink. 

We have this awesome pub that sits above the river with a deck that over looks it.  J and I sat out there and just talked.  He was just what I needed to help close out my crappy day.  He reminded me that 39 is just a number and that I should not dwell on it.  I know that he is right…..but my fear has not left me completely.

Onto happier things….

My daughter who is only 10 is 5’ 4 ½”!!!  She has grown 2 inches this summer.  She is going to be an amazing basketball player…..if I could just teach her to JUMP!!  Since she has only played with kids that she is taller than….she hasn’t had to jump.  She is also so into baseball this season.  She has been a Red Sox fan for a few years now…..but this is the first year that she has become a true fan!  She knows every player, what position they play, their batting average….you name it.  If the games are on too late for her….the first thing she asks in the morning is who won and then she turns on SportCenter.  I love it.  I would much rather have her following the Red Sox than Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.

Of course I couldn’t update without a little info on the son!  This little man is still keeping me quite entertained.  His new favorite song is “I’m TNT, I’m dynamite….!”  I can’t even remember who sings this or where in the world he heard it….but he walks around singing it.  At night he has been walking with me on occasion.  He will do between 2 and 3 miles before he starts complaining.  Last night when we were walking, he pulled his shorts down an inch or so on his butt, so he could show me his tan line.  I asked him if he wanted me to show him mine…..and he said “UGH….NO WAY!!”

Alright….I think I have written enough for tonight and I have a lot of blog walking to do!!  It is going to be hard pulling myself away from the computer tonight,  without catching up on everyone!!  Do they still sell NoDoze????

Oh my word am I tired!!  Today was “Fun Day” at the elementary school and I volunteered my time for the day.  It started with helping set up for the planned activities.  Then I was stationed at one of the activities to assist the children.  On to lunch.....where I got to join my son and the husband got to join our daughter.   Back to our stations for the remainder of the day…..and then help with clean up. 

I really enjoy days like these.  Maybe it’s because they are so few and far between.  But I have fun with all of the kids and hearing the laughter and seeing the smiling faces is wonderful.

We did have a couple of hours after school to get some stuff done around the house before we had to get ready for the last baseball game of our very short season.  Shhh….don’t tell….but I snuck in a nap instead. 

7,8 & 9 year old boys are really not so much interested in actually playing the game.  They love to hit and run around the bases.  But to keep their attention on the game when they are on the field is a very tough job.  I feel like I am constantly yelling to them to get off the ground, put their glove on, stop throwing grass, dirt or rocks in the air and to turn around and face the batter.  A few of the games we actually had to rotate one of the kids to sit an inning out.  You would not believe how many of them volunteered. 

All the excitement from today and knowing that tomorrow is the last day of school, made for a rather a “different” game.  The first couple of innings we seemed to be on fire.  Our third baseman made a triple play!  It was so awesome!!!  He caught a ball that was hit to him, tagged the runner on third that started to run home and tagged the runner on second that ran to third.  The best was that his mom was filming the game.  But it quickly went downhill after that.  Two boys were fighting over one helmet resulting in one of them crying.  They were letting balls roll past them and dropping balls they should have easily caught.  Luckily the boys on the other team were in the same funk and we managed to maintain the lead the entire game.  That was a joy to end the season with a winning game. 

So now both kids and the husband are sleeping.  The sound of the Red Sox losing is coming from two different TVs.  And I’m thinking how relaxing it would be to be sitting outside with a nice glass of wine enjoying the peace and quiet.  However, 4:30 is not that long from now and I should really be off to dreamland myself.  Hmmm…..tough decision.

What the heck did we do to p*ss Mother Nature off???  I am so over the rain and the cold.  I actually had to turn the furnace back on today because it was so chilly in the house.  Two nights in a row our games have been cancelled due to rain and the forecast is calling for more and more of it.  Should be another fun weekend camping. 

My friend and her family just bought a camper last month and this will be the first trip for them.  I ran into her husband at the grocery store and from the looks of his cart…..I’m eating at their camper.  Usually when a group of us go we plan our meals together.  This weekend, my sister and I decided to go the easy route…..Take out from the store at the campground.   They make chicken baskets, burgers, fries, pizzas…..no cooking on our part, except for breakfast.  I have to have my bacon in the morning.  I told my friend that all she needed to buy was bacon and beer.  But I guess she wants to do things the hard way…..so I’ll let her. 

Even though I went to the store to buy only bacon and beer….somehow it cost me $130.00.  It amazes me that I spend more at the grocery store for two days than I do for a whole week.  I have a feeling that the amount of alcohol in my cart was the majority of that charge.  I figure if I’m going to be spending another weekend in the rain and cold….I was going to enjoy it one way or another.  After a few Ruby Relaxers I won’t care if it’s raining and the temperature isn’t above 60. 

My son discovered the Three Stooges about three months ago and he just loves them.  I’m not sure if they are good role models for him….seeing as he already has quite the sense of humor…..but they are better than Spongebob.  My friend’s son just discovered them a couple of weeks ago and he too can’t get enough.  So she ended up buying him a couple of DVDs for him to bring camping.   I told my son about it and he is all excited.  I will not be surprised if the two of them end up in school Monday acting out some of the scenes.  Uh oh!!

Hey….if any of you are enjoying the sun this weekend….please take a picture for me so that I can remember what it looks like!!!